Daisy watering

my heart fell

smashed into a million daisy flowers at my feet

diagnoses steals the sleep from me

needed sleep

yet even in that space dis ease keeps the rest

In the ink black night

gentle battle lines are being drawn

in the quiet silent screams ring forth

tock tock goes the fucked clock

10 more years will make you 15

20 more years

and 25 is the number

I wonder if it was fare of me to be so selfish to keep you 

I could not have made another choice

and this time

this now

is golden despite

tears are rolling

I say get them out of me

let them go

the ink black silence my witness

my handkerchief

the only witness to daisy's being watered

Ive fought so many battles

so often my sabre has rattled

I'm preparing

sitting with daisy dotted ink black

putting back together

matching each crack

I focus on you

my gorgeous creature

this bodies managed to brew

and keep

and keep 

feel the love

the mother love

deep

deep

The bucket list is here and now

roll and rock

as only I know how

and turn and use this

for the better of us

hold your hand

run free

you and me

be gone dis ease

I want not

not 

please not add to my lot

drag this shell around

hear no sea

I see no me

I see you

but not me

I pitty you son

you have me

sinking down

you I shall not weight

you are to fly above

all of the fate

learn son that life is not cheap

hold my hand son

close your eyes

don't see me weep

I mend my heart

fill the cracks with gold

forge it all back

refuse to be sold

on ideas of doom

I give the universe the finger

fuck you fates

where has time gone

46 years

in reality ive only lived for 6

oh plan come to me

come compass to my mind

I'm the captain of crisis

with no fucking direction

back to bed I shall go soon

hold him

watch him sleep

take tissues for my issues

and love

as fast as I can

fast as I can

ring side seat

You chose me

I was 40

soon to be single

you reach down from the stars

and you picked me

Miracle that you are

I grew you

yes it through me

You changed my course

and I knew you had picked me

From the ground up

cell by cell

system by system

I held my breath

in each step

I wasn't supposed to be able

they told me

they told me

over and over

that's what they told me

I was alone

but I knew

that you and chosen

me

stardust was in my belly

I wouldn't 

I Couldn't 

Believe what they said

evacuate was a term

belief opposing had been seeded

Time passed

lightening speed

I tended

but you were the purpose

I had been lacking

you fulfilled the universal need

I give you all I am

I pour it into every day

the food

the laundry

the moments of night time lego stepping

the bathing

the folding

the playing

the walking

in my ears I hear

laughter

and each crack in my ancient heart 

is filled with alchemy

healing

as the laughter is peeling

its not all easy

the bridge over the fatigue

the back chat

the lack of knowledge of how hard I push

to give you a balanced life

fleeting

Because

I look at you

and my oh my

what a superior being you are to me

what gifts you give

what lessons I take

the gratitude 

that you chose me

that I could grow you

that even at this moment

fearful of missing out on a screen

that you lean 

that you lean on me

no other way would I have it

my reward for never giving up

for being rudderless all those years

you gave me life

oh how you gave me life

40 years of not living

6 now of feeling every beat

look at you gorgeous boy

ring side seats

'oh the places you shall go'

'oh the places you shall go'