Daisy watering

my heart fell

smashed into a million daisy flowers at my feet

diagnoses steals the sleep from me

needed sleep

yet even in that space dis ease keeps the rest

In the ink black night

gentle battle lines are being drawn

in the quiet silent screams ring forth

tock tock goes the fucked clock

10 more years will make you 15

20 more years

and 25 is the number

I wonder if it was fare of me to be so selfish to keep you 

I could not have made another choice

and this time

this now

is golden despite

tears are rolling

I say get them out of me

let them go

the ink black silence my witness

my handkerchief

the only witness to daisy's being watered

Ive fought so many battles

so often my sabre has rattled

I'm preparing

sitting with daisy dotted ink black

putting back together

matching each crack

I focus on you

my gorgeous creature

this bodies managed to brew

and keep

and keep 

feel the love

the mother love

deep

deep

The bucket list is here and now

roll and rock

as only I know how

and turn and use this

for the better of us

hold your hand

run free

you and me

be gone dis ease

I want not

not 

please not add to my lot

drag this shell around

hear no sea

I see no me

I see you

but not me

I pitty you son

you have me

sinking down

you I shall not weight

you are to fly above

all of the fate

learn son that life is not cheap

hold my hand son

close your eyes

don't see me weep

I mend my heart

fill the cracks with gold

forge it all back

refuse to be sold

on ideas of doom

I give the universe the finger

fuck you fates

where has time gone

46 years

in reality ive only lived for 6

oh plan come to me

come compass to my mind

I'm the captain of crisis

with no fucking direction

back to bed I shall go soon

hold him

watch him sleep

take tissues for my issues

and love

as fast as I can

fast as I can

ring side seat

You chose me

I was 40

soon to be single

you reach down from the stars

and you picked me

Miracle that you are

I grew you

yes it through me

You changed my course

and I knew you had picked me

From the ground up

cell by cell

system by system

I held my breath

in each step

I wasn't supposed to be able

they told me

they told me

over and over

that's what they told me

I was alone

but I knew

that you and chosen

me

stardust was in my belly

I wouldn't 

I Couldn't 

Believe what they said

evacuate was a term

belief opposing had been seeded

Time passed

lightening speed

I tended

but you were the purpose

I had been lacking

you fulfilled the universal need

I give you all I am

I pour it into every day

the food

the laundry

the moments of night time lego stepping

the bathing

the folding

the playing

the walking

in my ears I hear

laughter

and each crack in my ancient heart 

is filled with alchemy

healing

as the laughter is peeling

its not all easy

the bridge over the fatigue

the back chat

the lack of knowledge of how hard I push

to give you a balanced life

fleeting

Because

I look at you

and my oh my

what a superior being you are to me

what gifts you give

what lessons I take

the gratitude 

that you chose me

that I could grow you

that even at this moment

fearful of missing out on a screen

that you lean 

that you lean on me

no other way would I have it

my reward for never giving up

for being rudderless all those years

you gave me life

oh how you gave me life

40 years of not living

6 now of feeling every beat

look at you gorgeous boy

ring side seats

'oh the places you shall go'

'oh the places you shall go'

Rimu

Histories bark

little fingers trace

eight hundred years

nooks and veins trace

time.

An hour takes an eon

yet a year can go in a day

the lone giant stays static

micobiotic for adventurous types

wafting permanence.

Treasures come in many forms

some below our feet

I want for bigger eyes

for all I wish to greet.

There my boy

you stand there

I make him stay

we have walked this big hill

take your time

be still.

Why? That his call

and so I share

"its in the slow time given

where you show you really care".

Be slow my son

be slow to look

take your time

core connect

breath it in.

At the end

as spirit shed flesh

its the slow moments that linger

as your ridden of breath and beat.

Old giant

you will still stand

as will the memory

of this hug

this moment

this land.

Son you are my breath

this tree has given to me

squeeze it

love it

and plant many more

just for me.

breath

Solitary me

you're at school

I wait

fill the time

wait for my purpose to return

oh the stories you tell

ringing in the air

like the most beautiful bell

of the most innocent spring flower

you are my nectar rich 40 year old itch

The sun may hide

receding distant

my son shines with the regularity of breath

there

there

now

the now passes

a new now is here

but I can trust

if I flash a look

yes

he is there

powerful

scorching with healing joy

we share a birthday

for that day where he came forward

yes

I stepped into life for the first time too

me and you

giggling

roughty toughty play

the world can go spit

I don't care for a bit of it

for my focus is home

where I see this modest space

with sharper focus

a kinder eye

as we grow together

under the Pacific sky

never here

there's a space

where loves footprints once took pace

sped up the beat of time

placed a hitched moans shiver down my spine

pitter patter rain drops down the drain

twisting ache

silent scream

wizen soul came back to me

nostril flair

distant eyes stare

I push away knowledge

I care

self tell "Its for my best"

breath long

silence sing its song

its song is for me

breath I once wished to share

abandoned here on this rugged beach

moved a gossamer shell

debris

I am detritus on this shore

loves lick tattooed me

the wind races through my mind

eb and flow

eb and flow

beating thoughts

tempo mind

of an imaginary nature

empty hands that wont let go

too naïve

immature

I admit, embrace it

strength to detach

my rose adorned cottage

in need of re-hatch

let it be without roof I say

let the elements touch my skin

now your hands are gone

I look within me for own love

it was never here

stay gone