tri tri tri

constructs

at first appear so close

so similar

made of the same

 

as I look closer

although made from drift wood

they are very different

wood washed up

from time itself

 

and I don't understand

I sit under the one of my own choosing

it is strong

someone with the hard experience of collapse built this

and this tripod

this dome

I don't need it

 

but for a little while

it interested me

and if it fell

upon me

I wouldn't feel

I would just wonder why

and itself

would offer no rhyme

nor reason

 

the wood just wanted

and then did not

and drifted apart

away

selfish sticks

went there own way

or did a gust

or the breeze

push it to sway?

 

I question the reality

the zen heart of me

accepts

means little too me

just

things

 

they come

they go

tidal

moon driven

 

and the structure

gave it strength

and the love in me

let me bend

limb like

 

it would be silly

to ask

does this drift wood care for me?

did it ever?

I know I did

I do

but I sit back

respectfully quiet for you

 

there is no door

sand is the floor

im too free

to be limited by the reasoning

loves comes and go

add spice for the seasoning

 

I never knew you

I do not recognise this person

all the words

then the swift conversion

ha!

 

how do you paint me

what attributes to you draw

cast the blame on me

frighten yourself with me

and you know what you wish

and you know nothing

of me

only who I tired to be

and your focus

 

do I miss you?

you stepped over invisible boundaries

did you think I had non?

back in the tepee

there is no you and me

inside in this tepee

I am who I always have been

free

free

free

 

purple shelled jezerbel

purpled shelled jezebel

I didn't want to collect you

nor to keep you

 

the beauty there

was of a dead thing

just the shell remained

and was the life in you

that made your true beauty

 

there

empty in the sand

you show me your true colour

i wonder how you died

did you dare to break from your community?

drowned in independence?

was it a choice you made?

or was it made for you?

 

for a moment i thought i saw life

and my heart smiled

alas not

all dead purple shelled jezebels lining the shore

was it a big storm my tiny friends?

did the skies crash?

did the winds roar?

before your mortality fell

and you were brought to this shore?

 

So fragile

yet so vibrant

lines of you silently bullied me

reminded me

my place

on dry land

soft feet

not an ounce of retreat

 

and one i brought to my ear

did you try to whisper to me?

did you have something to say?

but the ocean roared

and i missed it

or you had nothing to say at all

 

no

not for picking

not mine to adorn my home with

i prefer to leave you here

or

gift you to another

someone who will appreciate you asthetics more than i

no stay on this shore

for others to see

the perils of being

a

purple shelled jezebel

 

 

Bacon and Ham

there is nothing here for me

not a breath of air

not a grain of sand

not an atom of anything

 

im no longer fearful of a blank canvas

contraire

I feel the wonder of being

synchronised with my path

 

no need to be critical

to kind for that

I find I beat my own heart

walk my own path

and in its self

that is just that

life

living

freedom

of heart

of mind

of destiny

 

and its exciting

and I could swoop the swoop

whoop with exuberance

to realise how I know self

trust self

can stand self

 

what did ail me so?

for the life of me I just don't know

but infected I was

and give my strength I did

all day long

but it was given back to me

and I say thank you

something that felt so right

ended up feeling so wrong

 

I put my hand up

took all I am

made positive with it

cured my own bacon

fried my own ham

 

laughter rings out once again

my son and I

teaching him the art of a joke

all the time

knowing im the joke

and feeling the warmth of being able to laugh

at myself

 

liberated

free

willo the whisp

that's me

but I forgot

i just forgot

got wrapped up

in some

over the top plot

 

i learnt long ago

to be responsible

to never point a finger

not to hover

or fight

and never to linger

 

and i gave everything

and it was given back to me

and what a gift

that was given to me

 

and treasure my gifts

i do and will

and feel the gift of life

oh you bet

forgive?

nothing to forgive

honesty feels

your loss

that's sad

your loss

sad

but that's what you get

for under appreciating

just what you had

 

don't be sad

don't be blue

im sure there something

on a beach somewhere

that's just for you

 

 

 

 

 

no good dog

I saw him

and his dog

they walked passed me

and I watched

 

I thought I wouldn't make a very good dog

I wouldn't fetch a stick if it was thrown

preferring to find my own stick

play my own simple game

 

the sun setting was beautiful

the clouds seem to go forever

infinite

 

watching Alfie

filled me full

and in that space

I wanted for nothing

 

I stood tall

all I needed was in me

and I felt peace

the roar of the water, sand in my toes

all I wished for

 

it was interesting

people so close

so quiet

and I felt nothing

but peace

 

and the circles

and the cycles

come to fruition

learning in full

 

I was happy

to be self contained

independent

able to do all I wished by my own hand

 

I was the big fat gull

the happy wanderer

content

and absorbed

with son

 

 

 

the landscape of my choosing

 

 

 

I left my garden

6 weeks ago

where I went

I do not know

 

the weeds have flourished

my friends the plants

I left untended

 

I remember

something I heard

a rose in a potato field

is a weed

 

and I go

with hand on hoe

murderous my mission

and as I scythe

too and fro

tears of sweat drip from me 

saturate my brow

drip down between my shoulders

honest sweat

true sweat

 

these weeds

I plucked

some weeks ago

as I tended

I tended

prettied my nest

pared it down

hitched breath

anticipated undress

 

and here they are

stonger than ever

flourishing

and others would use poison

but not an honest method to me

bend to them

break there necks

pluck them

give them an honourable end

 

the poisoner

doesn't care

what cost comes forth

they just want the problem to go away

don't want to trade sweat to pay

 

the weeds themselves

they are the ones who choose

I see some regrow

some not

for the weeds themselves

they choose there time

to wilt

to yield

to die

 

others step forth

to claim that fertile empty space

but I remember that weed

I respect that stubborn weed

with fondest

the glory of that desire to perpetuate

 

and I would fight

till my last drop of blood

last beat of this heart

for you

but the honour

is choosing to yield

refuse suffering

and allow my soil to be vacant

 

will you regrow

I do not know

im onwards plucking

beautifying

sweating

regrowing

shaping

I am in it

how I am in it

living in the landscape

of my choosing

 

 

 

 

 



we go on

I thought of you

knew you would like it

concerned that the walk too much

you were with me

as you have given me gifts

to appreciate how I look at the world

to take my time

to go off randomly

im less self conscious about it all

less secret about my passions for nature

you gave that to me

and I thank you

between you and Alfie

my day was full of others

and I was glad

and thankful

and beyond the pain

I was in acceptance

and I was so happy to know

I was strong enough to let you go

for another year

day

and I wont wait

ill put it all in the universes hands

I will love you with the same heart

but without any attachment

let you walk your own walk

and once again we are side by side

no leader

no runner up

I feel ok today

yesterday

well

its ok

my journey has its ups and downs

today was an example

big haul up

careful decent

but I wanted you with me

in this beech wood

I wanted to watch you

your excitement

but I got to feel my own

and that's no lesser thing

in the end

a truth I know

we get what we need

not what we want

and we go on

ice berg

vomit was my bodies answer

stomach emptied  itself

as if to purge me

so filled was I with bile

 

I watched it

all that nourishment

wasted

repelled from my biology

 

every second felt like an hour

oscillations of relief and grief

what fairy tale had I woven

projected onto you

 

I would of gone anywhere

built you castles

fuelled my empty drive

just to have your trust

 

I cut you short

I knew what I was doing

easier for me that way

and at last I needed to think of me

 

I sit playing the violin

the ship askew

taking on water

but I am the iceberg now

sinking to a lower buoyancy

freshwater tipped

salty adrift

 

I think of you

how tired I am of thinking of you

all your wondrous attributes

your beauty

the quirks of organisation

I bent so often

that in the end

I just broke

 

I was weak to start with

I thought so much weaker than you

I think you equally tired of it

of the struggle

and I found you to fight me

question me

in the kindest fashion

 

I was always explaining myself 

I just accepted you

love you

still do

 

I see myself as the problem

that you need not this

me

so I become ugly

to extent the space

chivalrous in some twisted way

I just didn't want to hear it in the end

 

I know you will be alright

that im doing the right thing for you

but for me

for me

no

this isn't right for me

and I can only really guess

the communication so sparse

that it is hard to know what you feel

think

want

wanted

 

I loved you too much I think

yes

too much

and I cant understand why this would be so bad

to be loved so

adored

smothered you I guess

choked it with my own hand

 

the colour has gone out of my world

black and white

and I am grey gilled

pity filled

it is intense

and vomit comes forth again

pain spews from me

I want to curl into a ball

 

I don't think I will ever heal from this

this is the most beautiful pain I have ever felt

to know I can love so

feel so

that I hurt so

because I know so

 

we could have limped along

so rude was I to not even let you have your words

just didn't want to hear

the silence painful

the words so much more

truth needed

and it needed to be raw

honest

before now

 

every time I think of you

I just want to stick up for you

want to shout all the beautiful things

about you

to the world

and then I think

I just gave you away

I didn't deserve you

but I know I did

I know I did

 

im not frightened of the pain

my pain

I regret the pain I gave to you

and to stop that

I just did it myself

to myself

couldn't let you do it

couldn't sully you with it

so I took responsibility

I ran at the spear

as fast as I could

and threw my chest at it

and here I hang

off my feet

dangling in mid air

a slow lovers death

minimising the damage as much as I can

as my heart slows

not letting myself flail with the pain

and this heart

I beg it to stop

let me be cold

older and colder

and not so bold

and who was I to think I deserved anything

deserve anything for me and me alone

arrogant

conceited

naieve

ignorant

folly filled

the spear slips a little deeper into me

reminds me

oh what a beautiful pain I shout to the skies

I feel so blessed

to love another so much

that I remove myself from there world

feel so blessed that I have lived to love like this

to be so emotionally undressed

 

slow heart

please stop

before I drown

in this river

of salty tear drops

bounce

I am the summer sun

the pouring rain

the rumble of thunder

I am the rainbows promise

im the drowning soul who never goes under

 

im the smiling clown

the short sighted frown

im the walking wounded

jump right through it

 

im the gentle hider

the never mind her

the truth speaker

the willing student

teacher seeker

 

im the mother majestic

the never that hectic

the plan it

do it

lover of the honest

 

im the turn surviving into thriving

the joy of life whatever treasure

the rock on a beach

the now out of reach

calm days enjoyer

 

im the blessed in the knowledge

that I know nothing

born each day solder

the im not that surprised

only that I grow older

 

the have no self pity

writer of puerile ditty

the traveller of the universe

on my own two feet

 

im a get up whatever

keep on going

never judging

relax into the flowing

 

im the disappointed dreamer

the you believer

the not right now

walk away golden retriever

 

im a give it agoer

im who I know I am

not who they see me to be be

I liberated myself

from implicitly

walked on back

to my own simplicity

 

im the not blame a soul

a take account for my own role

I am the pure light

personal account

bowl

filled with the richness

of not needing

 

selfcontained

if not a little bleeding

I spread my wings

and I kick myself out the door

and know I still adore

whilst I soar

 

its not for me

duplicity

too complicated

rebound

is the only sound

bounce

bounce

get my bounce

back

shoulder the flack

stand tall

 

I am the setting sun

night thinker

safe in the black

 

I was here a while

and you bet

ill be

back

 

 

 

 

 

for myself

I think of that curl

on the nape of your neck

I can trace in my mind

the line from your temple

down around your delicate ear

down to the curl

at the nape of your neck

 

I think of your smell

being aloud to dwell

of inhaling so deeply

of missing you

all the hours ive watched

transfixed

 

your grace

that my eyes would follow

would make me swallow

hard

 

do you miss me?

as I miss you?

I know

you must do

what you must do

i encourage you

as my love is true

 

i want to fight

to hold on

it wouldn't be fare

on you

to you

 

i give you

all you need

silently

secretly

i grieve

 

not for your actions

or retractions

of contact

 

but of my self

that i couldn't be content

at arms length

i couldn't remain hidden

that maybe i courted a love

that ended up to feel forbidden

 

its a hard thing

to attract the intense

and on them being intense

for it to incite defence

 

its a hard thing

to want it all so perfect

to need peace so much

that everything gets thrown away

as silence

aloneness

the ultimate get away

 

i want to hold you

i want to know where we stand

want to reach for you

for you to hold my hand

 

and i look down

i am still here

even for myself

invoice

I see a future

I see a few

all are ok to me

not all contain you

 

ill do whatever is in

your best interests

ill keep away

or ill stay

ill keep living my life

that's my way

 

a love so large

that I just want the best

as I sit here writing

in my old grey vest

 

I want the best for you

want the best for me

best for the kids

best for the global family

 

I see futures

all are good for me

ill just keep going

keep making my tea

 

I see a future

where everything is ok

no debt to invoice

no pain to pay

 

I see a future

that isn't awkward at all

of learning

of loving

of freedom

and giving

 

I see a future

that's better than the past

of mutual understanding

space

emotional undress

 

I see a future

where you can feel my breath on your cheek

of swaying

and standing

of need

feeling weak

 

I see a future

that all just ok

of loving

leaving

no bills to pay

 

plot change

I guess here is as good as anywhere

all started here any hows is how I think

 

I been the best ive ever been this last year

the kindest

the most thoughtful

bout any person ever

 

not my mother

not my sister

not the great list of friends ive had the pleasure of meeting

 

I learned from them all

even my son

and it all cooked in me

and I gave it

all I had

to you

 

its ok

it wasn't enough

I don't even have to think

just accept that it is how it is

 

we tried

and that's all that matters

and im grateful

 

you did what you had

what you needed

I respect that

like I said

accept that

 

I know your alright

maybe have taken a lil bitty fright

that aint me

im a reacher

im lucky
cos I know myself
I know true love now
and its ok
to let it pass you by
im a survivor thriver

im still here
for you
when you have worked your way out of the stew
im not the same person though
less patient
less willing

I may not do for you
id put money on that
I could be wrong

im not a naughty boy
who need more
just a little joy
truth no decoy

I wish you just much luck and happiness
success in all your endeavours
if you want me
you know where I am
door never closes
but effort you will need
strength
to want it
to want me
to want us

I know that's frightening stuff
truly I know
all I can think of
is touching your toes
moonlight glows
all the good stuff we shared

ill hang on to it like that
I wont sully it with all the crap
I hold my hand up
I shoulder my lot
time to write
a different plot

 

 

penny rich

I am the mighty thinker

the too light drinker

the cheeky winker

 

I am the writer of my truth

the bloggers Babe Ruth

the outrageous "Struth!"

 

lifes relentless sleuth

the obtuse grower

the last one to knower

 

I am the big hearted fool

the generous tool

the stubborn as a mule

 

I am a big hearted idiot

never can figure it

very far from bigoted

 

I am the lover of the fine

of romance divine

of happy ever afters entwined

 

im the processing forgiver

the see good whatever

the optimist who's nearly clever

 

the heart on my sleeve

don't know when to leave

always willing to believe

 

the dreamer

 

I am the rubber ball

always becoming even taller

life will never fall er

 

the purest of hearted

the thinking of the other parted

kindness departed

 

I remain here for you

have been through out

through and through

 

honest

kind

forgiving

 

open to lifes flow

knowing I just do not know

and am ok with just that

 

so not tit for tat

im too carefree for that

and gifts ive been given are many

 

so im off for a pee

and ill think about me

just for the while that im spending that penny

 

 

unconditionaly

I stacked my fears

on top of ground cleansed by my tears

just what were they all thinking of?

made me erupt

made me shout

made me pack my bags, my son and go

and here I stack these stones in front of me

how I love this beach

the feeling of being wind battered

and out of reach

all the space, as far as the eye can see

is echoed as I let go of all inside of me

15 years here

4 years there

1 year where ever

and it doesn't matter

and I have no need of hearing any patter

and I don't want to save anything but me

and he

as that's my role

in motherhood I am whole

and I wont ever look at you all the same

and I will never allow anyone else near my flame

they will sense the change

galvanised by intense spiritual pain

I am not them

for me I shed this skin

elope from my inner dope

the love sick fool

the faithful friend

on my self enough time I did not spend

thinking id done enough

but then others idiosyncrasies knocked

brave stupidity

caused the land to slide

seismic changes in my head

I never said it would be pretty

mores the petty

im glad im my own best friend

and on me I can depend

and the strength

the courage

I have

never has left my side

and they told me to get rid of him

and I couldn't

they told I was bipolar, take the meds

and I couldn't

told me lots of things

but its about them

as the person they think they know

isn't

and I wouldn't

and I stand tall

afraid only of the landing

not the fall

not forgetting

makes me understand

that this day

this brand new day

is so beautiful in every single way

whatever the weather brings

whatever the bird calls and sings

 

i refuse

to dwell

in the bitterness of another's hell

and the one I own

I work on from home

I can get in the car

I can alone drive far

and I can experience the new

with him and neither of you

I get the joy

of gentle loneliness along side my boy

stack the stones

pile them high

where I go

is beyond a mile high

stratospheric travel

amongst the stars above

and be thoughtful to all the ones

I truly love

and know I want nothing in return

shall sufferer disappointments that feel like they burn

that is not them, tis me

for the gift I have

is loving

unconditionally

 

 

 

exes cause stresses

I will never forget

the tang of regret

hearing you had nothing to offer me

 

I was slightly bemused

even confused

the silence that deafened me

 

a hand on my shoulder

to give me room to grow older

was all I wished it to be

 

no marching arm in arm

to disable life's harm

 was expected of that I am sure

 

but you turned your back

images can crack

but I didn't want help, did you know?

 

just a smile

just a brew

small things would do

 

but no

hard to hear

when silence shouts fear

 

so on I go without knowing

and who talks first

im unsure, tired of quirks, to hurt for second guessing

 

out of energy am I

out of tears to cry

but love you I still and will do

 

and forgive yes indeed

forget I don't think

that the last thing I needed was another problem

 

coping was I, just about

with all that had come about

and then I had another worry to juggle inside

 

no friend for tea

no good night to me

and alone I was truly once more

 

take care of my son

no name, not even for fun

and I saw enough to understand

 

and grateful am I

for you doing it so

for I know now I did it all alone

 

so pick up the phone

we are never alone

just older and wiser I feel

 

and I am not him

but she is my version of he

and I handled it all very differently

 

but then I am me

and you are you

and tissues not issues I am through and through

 

ive worked it at speed

I did what I need

and this issue is the only one left undealt

 

true love I have

makes me think im very mad

as im still here thinking of you

 

but my life is fuller

and never duller

when thinking not watching you

 

 

 

click

I was born

to view

 

click

 

I was born

with a watchers heart

and an all seeing eye

click

 

and for this moment

I observed

a train of clouds

pass me by

click

 

smoke signals

from the nature gods

signalling

salty healing

wounds being saline tended

click

 

I watch

pull focus on the near

see my life

in front of me

right here

click

 

I rub fine sand

upon my legs

exfoliate

the lallie pegs

click

 

the roughness

refreshing

click

 

by my own hand

I will give me what I need

to stand

click

 

the heat of friction

the absence of contradiction

makes everything feel like

distant fiction

click

 

and I sit left

with not one single affliction

out of film

the slow decay that is life

 

I lay

ground

bound

 

puddles at my feet

I reclined into mighty horizons arms

safe from it all

safe from all others harm

 

naked I was

slowly rotting

roots removed

leaves had left

 

I did not feel pity

I felt no regret

 

ground

bound

was

I

 

had given myself

fully to the elements

of the beautiful sky

 

I felt the weather

I felt the whether

the full force of self

once again

laid me bare

and I was forced to self treasure

 

and I did

and I do

and solitary me

all the better for knowing you

and I can appreciate

the breathy flecks of colours passing

of lights dimming

of night advancing

 

and I don't blame the day

for the lights its shone

I don't blame the night

for its setting of the sun

 

I just appreciate it all

passing me

letting me observe

 

I ask nothing of you elements

not a breath of your wind

not a kiss from your sun

not the heat of your full solar gaze

 

it is the earth that I ask of

always be here

to break my fall

and when I ask of self

earth my sweet

hear my call

 

and you do

with all your mud and puddles

all the thoughts and muddles

and I remain

the slow decay of life

upon me

transformation

within me

 

no plebeian sins

jocular grins

and always

always

in it to win

 

 

 

 

 

linear dew/blade sharp

linear dew

I see you

there blade sharp

holding on tight

unwilling to depart

 

and I stop

admire

and think

nothing

 

absorption of pattern

gives me pieces of peace

 

I am lost

in the silence of full observation

you give me access

to full attention

you do not shy away

or bend to play

 

your honesty

is beautiful

symbiotic platonic

 

I move on

beachscape roaring me on

enough sentimentality

I have so little left

I give it with out want

 

whatever is left

you have it with pleasure

and the sight of linear dew

blade sharp

is enough

and im renewed

and im renewed

 

sacred land, out stretched hand

you are my church

you are my steeple

on this earth

I feel freedom

to get out

and meet my people

 

they do not

flock to my door

they can be rich

they can be poor

but I know

when they

knock

knock

on my souls door

 

and some may flatter

some even disappoint

but that don't matter to me

that aint even the point

as I see the joy

the wealth

of simple observation

from my dusty shelf

 

and in me

I found

all I needed

without a whimper

without a sound

 

hard lessons

are the only type

and I type

I type

turning lifes hurts

into beautiful cohesive script

refusing to stay down

refusing not to learn

grow

mend

 

and as I got up from the dirt

the mirrored skies

reflected my inner resolve

my inner mirth

a smile was shown to me

as I am forever with me

 

getting to your knees

the hardest bit

the grownd swallowing you up

everyone vanished

fearing the crash of the surf

sadness passed

and laughter came out

from my heart

jubilant dirges

made way for celebratory surges

 

all ive known

the places ive been

the inner spaces ive occupied

tell me

show me

 

I am the falcon

wings open wide

viewing the landscape

as I sneakily glide

needing nothing

happy in solitary self solidarity

 

can you say that?

alone I go

alone I went

hell bent

on

practical magic

not dwelling

on others perceptions

of the tragic

 

beauty is here

out there

and without thought

without care

I reach

self teach

me and he

and Gemini self

I think it makes three

 

the church is in me

the grey clouds don't offend me

for the suns rays

vaporise

it all off

the flow

one foot in hard

one foot in joy

an arm around my gift

the other hand forever reaching

sucking the marrow

jumping lines in the sand

feet upon this joyous planet

this sacred land

the marble drop of peace

I see it

I say nothing

not a word

not a single sound

but inside

profound

 

it is within

my true silence

to self

silence is my gift

I wait for nothing

to lift

 

I want for

nothing

 

I wait for

nothing

 

I am

content

 

my gift

wafts over me

envelopes me

and peace comes

transcendent

 

none of it is mine

noise

external

inside

divine

silence

 

it is welcomed

arms wide open

peace I am yours

 

I do not run

I stride

with purpose

into the abyss

of glory

 

and I chose

but I do not choose

go forth

without blues

 

silence

you are my friend

did I leave you?

 

silence welcomes me

asks me to stay for a while

winks at me as I smile

its tender breath blows my hair from my face

and in doing so

reminds me of my place

 

I can never be alone

when I have me

I can be infact

all I wish to be

 

I hold no blame

or scold

 

I choose

beauty

sunshine days

silent watching

work that pays

creativity

growing the earth

interior giggling

a heart filled with mirth

 

silence places its warm hand

upon my shoulder

takes its stand

never be alone

never need a home

its the nature

of me

 

the marble drop of peace

clunk

roll

clunk

roll

clunk

roll

 

stop