for myself

I think of that curl

on the nape of your neck

I can trace in my mind

the line from your temple

down around your delicate ear

down to the curl

at the nape of your neck

 

I think of your smell

being aloud to dwell

of inhaling so deeply

of missing you

all the hours ive watched

transfixed

 

your grace

that my eyes would follow

would make me swallow

hard

 

do you miss me?

as I miss you?

I know

you must do

what you must do

i encourage you

as my love is true

 

i want to fight

to hold on

it wouldn't be fare

on you

to you

 

i give you

all you need

silently

secretly

i grieve

 

not for your actions

or retractions

of contact

 

but of my self

that i couldn't be content

at arms length

i couldn't remain hidden

that maybe i courted a love

that ended up to feel forbidden

 

its a hard thing

to attract the intense

and on them being intense

for it to incite defence

 

its a hard thing

to want it all so perfect

to need peace so much

that everything gets thrown away

as silence

aloneness

the ultimate get away

 

i want to hold you

i want to know where we stand

want to reach for you

for you to hold my hand

 

and i look down

i am still here

even for myself