I stacked my fears
on top of ground cleansed by my tears
just what were they all thinking of?
made me erupt
made me shout
made me pack my bags, my son and go
and here I stack these stones in front of me
how I love this beach
the feeling of being wind battered
and out of reach
all the space, as far as the eye can see
is echoed as I let go of all inside of me
15 years here
4 years there
1 year where ever
and it doesn't matter
and I have no need of hearing any patter
and I don't want to save anything but me
and he
as that's my role
in motherhood I am whole
and I wont ever look at you all the same
and I will never allow anyone else near my flame
they will sense the change
galvanised by intense spiritual pain
I am not them
for me I shed this skin
elope from my inner dope
the love sick fool
the faithful friend
on my self enough time I did not spend
thinking id done enough
but then others idiosyncrasies knocked
brave stupidity
caused the land to slide
seismic changes in my head
I never said it would be pretty
mores the petty
im glad im my own best friend
and on me I can depend
and the strength
the courage
I have
never has left my side
and they told me to get rid of him
and I couldn't
they told I was bipolar, take the meds
and I couldn't
told me lots of things
but its about them
as the person they think they know
isn't
and I wouldn't
and I stand tall
afraid only of the landing
not the fall
not forgetting
makes me understand
that this day
this brand new day
is so beautiful in every single way
whatever the weather brings
whatever the bird calls and sings
i refuse
to dwell
in the bitterness of another's hell
and the one I own
I work on from home
I can get in the car
I can alone drive far
and I can experience the new
with him and neither of you
I get the joy
of gentle loneliness along side my boy
stack the stones
pile them high
where I go
is beyond a mile high
stratospheric travel
amongst the stars above
and be thoughtful to all the ones
I truly love
and know I want nothing in return
shall sufferer disappointments that feel like they burn
that is not them, tis me
for the gift I have
is loving
unconditionally
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