I paid the price
for being strong
I hoped that life
wouldn't go on too long
my table
medication filled
each day
starting will handfuls of pills
I was prescribed
derided
my body groaned
my personality twisted
to accommodate the pressure
and today this picture
from 6 years ago this day
landed on a memory
came back to stay
and I have run
run
run
away from there
with such speed
fear driven speed
and my mind
fried
I died slowly
from the inside
many left
many left
alone I stood
alone I stand
fought with empty hands
and they said this
and they said that
they told me who I was
and told me when I said I wasn't
well you would say that
but new life folks
how do you see me
now there is only
half of me
and the pain
the pain
the emotional pain
of being there for so long
for having to be
and remain so strong
and I just wanted comfort
to be held
to be able to cry and be believed
oh they listened
then used my words to deceive
then I became a mother
miracle
when I say it was a miracle
that he saved my life
it is because it is fact
don't let my lack of tact distract
from
the miracle he is
mothers have value
where as sophie had none
and now I look
where did all those years go
where have they gone
gifted to pain
dropped straight down the drain
and still I rise
Maya Angelou
and still I rise
my bible
my disguise
tonight
I crumble
give myself the evening
to mourn
to pep talk self
for tonight
im on the shelf
im lost in past health
I do right to be alone
not my choice
but swami instincts
universe directed
I understand
alone im not rejected
that I can hug self
tend to own needs
and if people don't understand
well
im human
so are they
and my power
forgiveness
forgiveness
self tending shower
giving my day the best I had to offer
take myself to bed
shoot the ghosts within my head
be grateful I survived
and not know
why im not dead
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