cocoon

I sit

in all the choices ive ever made

 

im fearful

but not afraid

 

for ive paid in fleshy coins

and ive survived

 

and I sit

cos I know

its part of the process

part of letting go

 

from here

whenever its time to rise

I guess I learn just what

the time has let me surmise

 

I don't blame

I don't hate

although for years

I was stuck

in just that

debate

 

and keep him from this

oh I will

teach him protection

from others disease

there ill

 

if it means

that I walk

barefoot

on stony ground

then so be it

 

understand do I

that I have the power

of the eternal butterfly

I will eat my bitter leaves

then hang out

chrysalis secret

chrysalis in the trees

hanging about

resting

in gods breeze

 

I can feel it

right here

right around me

in this chair

and I rest

watch

feel the changes

not in my time

on the universes clock

 

I don't have to break out

scream

nor

shout

no

when ready

this cocoon of mine

will open

show me its time

 

and I cant wait to see

what colour wings

are given to me

 

exhausted

excited

optimistically

it will become divided

 

the search for safety

ignited

invited

 

wing building

is a hard activity to tame

not to point

not to blame

so inside I go

and feel the safety

as I go

 

I see I don't have to

keep you safe

that I watch

learn

yearn

for your embrace

 

and if not

well

respect that I will

enjoy the taste

of that bitter pill

 

when a love

so true

invites

what is best for them

not you

today

that them

is me

 

this fight

all mine

I have hope

lil confidence

ill be alright

 

but I miss you

alone here in my cocoon

but hold on

to all the new you have shown me

all the beautiful moments

all you have stood along with

and I wonder

 

you believe in me?

what do you see that I cannot right now

 

I sit back down

the suns come out

after the storm

I think wow

I cant believe it possible

that this charmed life is mine

 

universe answers

yes your'e worthy

you always have been

just sophie my darling

you are the last to see

 

so I rest

focus

on what I can do

on the signposts given to me

and that all of this

started aged 3

and I may run

and I may hide

but memories of that

haunt you

taunt you

learn to ignore them

learn to laugh again

don't hold onto the good

don't let it burn

 

take your wings

learn to fly

and rest upon

a revitalised sky

and dance in the air

remember that this sky does care

maybe more than that

but even the sky needs to rest

and that's all

that's that