long to be

oh joy of life

you come to me

in the faces

of folks

ive come to know

 

and in the masses

of painful doers

you shine

but this one

I know is mine

 

and bend for you

and flex

I shall

and be a better person

even when I don't know how

 

I shall

 

because

I know I am strong

and the world can be so

and I don't want to ever

pain you

lay my stuff on you

 

I have to focus

dig deep

to feel

that I am enough

 

and you over there too

up in a tree

you lead me on

the carrot

the ladder

of love so strong

 

and I ask not for you to do

for me

as I cannot do for you

but to ride besides me

hold my hand

and be you

 

and we are enough

and I can and will

walk up this very steep hill

and reverse the pain

plant it down

and I am the seed

to for fill my own need

 

and the love flows

and I grows

and I weather the storm

understand this is not a norm

that this was given to me

way back just after I was born

 

it is not mine to keep

but it clings to me

my sensitive heart

shocked back there at the start

 

and I watch

 

tentatively

I learn

I don't always loose what I love

that I am growing

that this is my turn

 

that it is the pain that ive carried

that's crippled relationships prior

and then she remarried

and I was cast away

alone

left alone with the bill

 

and ive paid

be dismayed

thought I deserved

be jealous when I compared

how loved others were

 

then he came

then you

and I know this is magic

and not tragic

 

magic

that's for me

cos if he chose me

then I must be special

worthy

and I refuse to drop this ball

and I tap my throat

prompt my deep breath

stand tall

no longer afraid of the fall

 

and I sit

I wait

work through my stuff

clear my plate

 

I feel that need for reassurance

that is my need

don't take it on

ill be ok

whilst youre gone

 

for I know your not gone for good

which is new to me

but to be honest

frank

in your life

by your side

I long to be