I thought if I went out in the rain
that nobody would see my tears
keep everyone away from my pain
I trudged about
splashing my feet
enjoying my child's fun
and I looked up
and there you were
my miss marple
I told myself
as I had to walk by to get to the car
that I wouldn't make myself known
as I didn't want to cry
I tried
and to my horror
I saw my hand in view
and it reached for you
and there you were
and there you were
I bit my gums
to keep myself in the moment
wanted to lay on the pavement
and cry
but how I could I let you see that?
how could I let anyone see that?
I didn't know what to do
sadly thrilled at seeing you
and so
I walked to my car
keeping my son close
I sat in my car
choked
missing stuck in my throat
like a native in a stoats throat
I told myself
why didn't you ask them for coffee?
because I didn't know how I would be
didn't want it to make it difficult for another 3
took my tears home with me
took them home
I think
how do I get that friendship back
how can I ever go back to that
I want to
how I want to
I muse
maybe its not us but me
maybe this how it all is for me
to always loose the precious kindest souls
I don't have any choices
im all alone
in a house
and everywhere I go
we been before
so each remind me of you
and the time before
it wasn't all rosey
was hard all the learning
but authentic love I have for you
a rare commodity
I take the quitepine
helps me to sleep
went to see the doctor
a virus I had
told her my loss
and maybe its the rain
that makes me feel so grey
like there is going to be no end
to this loss
this grief
I count my blessings
I count them twice
ill count them all day
in the distance your still there
tending to yourself
and I want that
for you to only focus on you
but it doesn't take the tears away
doesn't stop me feeling blue
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