oh how truly blessed I am
to be able to stand tall
to have shoulders wide enough
to carry the true opinionated
painfully earnest me
how I have walked on burning coals
and fought so hard
and lost so much just for the right
to be me
i ask myself
"is it worth it"
"would compromise have kept more and been easier?"
i am not the sort
to be able to speak a half truth
to live a half life
to not sleep in the gutter for my beliefs
it is the need to sleep straight in my bed
that makes me so
I cannot see the point of living this life I have been given
bent by others
even so
bent by others
this attitude of mine has left me
limping free
but free in truth and self responsibility i am
the convenient truth
that nothing and know one is
nor can be perfect
to themselves or to others
my sister tried to please
and bent and bitter she seems now
where did all her joy go?
I just don't know
she must have had some
shouldn't she?
I understand
truth
real life
struggles
I don't mind hurt
as long as it by the tongue of truth
its a learning tool
lifes sign posts are full of hurt
and im no coward
too studious
eager to learn
is the door shut?
I don't think so
would it be hard for me?
oh no doubt
can I conquer hard?
every time
every time
even when I don't want nor wish
I just don't have it in me
to bend past the truth
that
yes
I love you
am content to never be with you
and for you to make your own choices
support them
be content
but to like it?
never!
silly love
stupid connection
but patient for a life time I have no choice
but just will be
compare all to you?
I hope not but think so
cannot be free
will not be free
all sounds like fearful compromise to me
but then
im not you
ive given up so much for people who didn't deserve it
thrown away family
who in the end
didn't deserve it
but live this life
be me
be free
its just who I am
and its not an easy task
and I wouldn't infect a dog with it
but
it feels wonderful
even alone
to stand tall
and call my home
my home
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